Monday, January 23, 2012

I've been neglectful!

Wow, I forget I have this blog. I guess that makes me a lame blogger. I write a lot in my head, but most of the time that is where it stays. I have FB and Pinterest to keep me MORE than distracted from what I need to do. But as Abby-the-dog and I were walking today, I thought about it. I wondered what I had written about the last time I was here. Moscow, of course. I read back through it with tears in my eyes. Still miss that place. Bartlesville is feeling a little less weird, but if given the choice, I would not be here. I often wonder, if we had the chance to go back, would we find it different. Certainly, the people whom we knew there have changed....I probably only know 5 or 6 people who still live there. There are LOTS of new places....American places....Wendy's, and Chili's to name a couple. I think that would make it less charming. But I sure did miss those touches of home when I was there. Maybe if I went back I would try to be less American and more Russian. I would learn the language, make more Russian friends. Maybe, maybe not.......

Anyway, that is not the reason I got on this blog today! I felt the need to journal about quitting Weight Watchers. Not that I don't think it is a wonderful program because I do. They try very hard to reach people needing help. They have many, MANY ways to support you. But I realize, after 1 1/2 years and losing absolutely no weight that they are no longer for me. Lord knows I know how to lose weight....I've done it many times! Calories in, calories out. Exercise, eat moderately, exercise, drink water, exercise. I get it. And I'm also at the age where the shame of facing the scale, and the leader, doesn't motivate me. I just don't go to the meeting. I even bought a monthly pass, so I pay whether I go or not, so what? Even that is not motivation. I finally came to the realization that all of that not only doesn't motivate me these days, it stresses me. I need to find that motivation within. I need to be happy how I am. I am really not that overweight (20 or 30 lbs, not 100.) My health is good. I am happy. I have great friends, a wonderful husband, happy kids, fabulous family. So I've decided to just let go of the stress of trying to diet. Does that mean I won't watch what I eat and not exercise....quite the opposite. I will eat HEALTHY and EXERCISE. Will I lose weight? Who knows and who cares? I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders for now (pun intended.) If you are reading this....I'll keep you posted!

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